User:Fosstar

In /tg/station 13, your job is somewhat akin to your character class. It defines your starting equipment, your access on board the station, and what you're supposed to be doing. Remember, these job descriptions are for humor purposes only. Please follow common sense.

Jobs on Beestation
	Command	Captain, Head of Personnel
	Security	Head of Security, Security Officer, Warden, Detective
	Engineering	Chief Engineer, Station Engineer, Atmospheric Technician
	Science	Research Director, Scientist, Roboticist, Exploration Crew
	Medical	Chief Medical Officer, Medical Doctor, Brig Physician, Chemist, Geneticist, Virologist
	Service	Janitor, Bartender, Cook, Botanist, Clown, Mime
	Civilian	Assistant, Lawyer, Chaplain, Curator, Gimmick
	Cargo	Quartermaster, Cargo Technician, Shaft Miner
	Non-human	AI, Cyborg, Positronic Brain, Drone, Personal AI, Construct, Ghost
	Antagonists	Traitor, Malfunctioning AI, Changeling, Nuclear Operative, Blood Cultist, Clockwork Cultist, Revolutionary, Wizard, Blob, Abductor, Holoparasite, Xenomorph, Spider, Swarmers, Revenant, Morph, Nightmare, Space Ninja, Slaughter Demon, Pirate, Creep, Fugitives, Hunters, Heretics, Space Dragon
	Special	CentCom Official, Death Squad Officer, Emergency Response Officer, Chrono Legionnaire, Highlander, Ian, Lavaland Role

Useful Links

Command

Real DescriptionJoke Description

Job	Role	Difficulty
Captain	Be responsible for the station. Manage the Heads of Staff and ensure they manage their department correctly. Hold on to the nuke disk. Maintain the interests of Nanotrasen. Ensure space law is respected. Arbitrate disputes between crewmembers.	aVery Hard
Head of Personnel	Manage internal problems and disputes. Assign jobs, alter IDs, maintain records. Consult with department heads on promotions. Ensure the assistants have a job to do. Manage the number of slots for jobs to compensate for station needs. Ensure the QM isn't ordering guns. demote crewmembers if they're being shitlers. ~~Protect your dog with your life~~	cMedium

Job	Role	Difficulty
Captain	Fuck off into space 2 minutes into the round. Get your spare stolen by a assistant in a gas-mask. Declare yourself president for life, high court chief justice, and commander and chief of the armed forces, then get murdered in a coup. Beat the clown to death because he walked into the bridge. Attempt to make the AI shodan 2.0 and act surprised when you get murdered for it. Get demoted by command for being shit. Have a mental breakdown because of the stress. Get slipped by the clown and have your ID stolen. Cry.	aVery Hard
Head of Personnel	Have a dog do a better job then you, give everybody all access, get tazed by the HOS for letting a assistant into the armory, get chloral hydrated by the CMO for letting a assistant into virology, get spaced by the CE for letting a assistant into the engine room. Steal the entire armory to protect ian. Never consult with department heads about ID changes. Become the The Owl and protect the station. Organize a unfortunate accident for the captain to secure your rise to power.	cMedium

Security

Real DescriptionJoke Description

Job	Role	Difficulty
Head of Security	Delegate jobs to your officers and ensure they don't act in a corrupt manner. Manage the security team. Listen to the lawyer in matters of re-sentencing if he's not being unreasonable. Make sure to check in with your officers. Distribute armory equipment when stuff gets messy. Act as a commander, not a beat cop. Hold trials for criminals.	aVery Hard
Warden	Watch over the brig and armory. Watch security cameras and keep officers updated using them. Release criminals when their time is up and keep the records updated. Ensure officers stay well equipped. Act as a dispatcher. Ensure brigged people have access to counsel from the lawyer. Listen to what the lawyer has to say and if it's reasonable, change the sentence.	bHard
Security Officer	Follow space law. Give fair sentences. Protect your assigned department. Remember to talk first, taze second when reasonable. Set the records to ensure documentation. Follow space law but remember to use discretion. Mediate conflicts between crewmembers to prevent them escalating. Maintain order.	aHard
Detective	Investigate and document crimes. Conduct interviews and interrogations. Wear your gloves. Keep evidence filed away neatly.	cMedium

Job	Role	Difficulty
Head of Security	Carry half the armory in your backpack. BECOME THE LAW! Execute people for littering. Chase a lone traitor into maint, then run into his nuke op friends and die. Become hated by everyone. Start the space gestapo. Have blood feuds with the Warden. Brutally beat the clown. Arrest the captain and become sole dictator, then get murdered by assistants with soap and a spear.	aVery Hard
Warden	Never leave your office for the entire shift to the point where people can't tell if you're afk or not. Never watch security cameras. Beat assistants for breaking into the armory. Steal from the armory, then order crates to cover it up. Get absolutely fucking smashed at the bar. Reenact the Stanford prison experiment. Try to stop the HOP from stealing from the armory then fail. Neglect your job and become a sec officer with neat toys. Have blood feuds with the Head of Security.	bHard
Security Officer	Deal with the various dirty fucking criminals running amok on the station. Taser people in the eyes. Pretend the Lawyer doesn't exist. Dogpile on traitors. Constantly get bitched at. Harmbaton people to death, claim they were "resisting arrest". Flashbang crowds until they are deaf and blind forever. Follow this guide to the letter. Arrest someone for a legitimate cause, get called shitcurity. Become the KGB IN SPAAAAACE! Permabrig the clown for slipping you. Permabrig the mime for talking. Permabrig the assistants for having gloves. Get murdered.	aHard
Detective	Chain smoke cigarettes. Binge drink whiskey. Get first place in the mental gymnastics tournament explaining to the HOS why he should execute the clown for slipping you. ~~Never~~ solve crimes. Fill the hallways with a million photographs. Try to become a old west hero, get shot by a traitor. Get murdered in maint. Never do your paperwork.	cMedium

Engineering

Job	Role	Difficulty
Chief Engineer	Get top-of-the-line engineering equipment, do nothing with it. Fight trespassers and teleport the particle accelerator to cargo so you can get more cutting-edge engineering equipment. Despair when you're asked to rebuild Telecommunications.	bHard
Station Engineer	~~Set up the singularity~~ Get shot by the emitters, get brutally murdered on the solars by a nuclear agent, get drunk in the bar. ~~Make telecoms unusable with scripts~~ Cry about the death of NTSL. Sprint past hull breaches without a second thought. Hack every machine to shoot things at people. Try to touch the Supermatter and get vaporized. Kill innocent Drones for being better at doing your job.	cMedium
Atmospheric Technician	Station's ghetto fireman. Ensure everyone can breathe by listening to complaints about how useless you are. If they can talk, everything's within tolerances. Build pipe slides. Forget all about repairing damaged piping. Make some bombs using the empty tanks and accidentally activate them in the hallway. Run around the station looking like a serial killer with a fire suit and axe. Release ~~Plasma~~ ~~Freon~~ Plasma ~~and Freon~~ into the halls. Drink yourself to death once you realize that on average, you have as much to do as the Lawyer.	cMedium

Science

Job	Role	Difficulty
Research Director	Oversee the demented manchildren of your department. ~~Build~~ Destroy cyborgs with your magic button. Use Lamarr as a breath mask. Take control of the AI and rule the station. ~~Print more guns than Security could ever dream of~~ Sadly stare at your gimped departmental protolathe.	bHard
Scientist	Get tossed in disposal by the Research Director, nag chemistry, "accidentally" blow up toxins, let the Slimes and way more horrifying things loose. Nag mining for diamonds so you can make two Bags of Holding to make a mini Singularity. Refuse to stop at the last three items in the previous list and accidentally kill yourself in enough stupid ways to make murder look like assisted suicide. Have blood feuds with Roboticists and the Virologist over who stole all the minerals.	cMedium
Roboticist	Build some nifty robots and BIG STOMPY MECHS! Dismantle the station for more metal. Have your cyborgs that you built turn on you when the AI goes rogue. Kill a patient and blame it on your colleagues for not knowing how to perform surgery. Be awesome and cut your own arm off to replace it with a ~~Robo Arm~~ freaking chainsaw.	dEasy

Medical

Job	Role	Difficulty
Chief Medical Officer	Gently remind everyone to turn up their suit sensors. Complain no one listens to you. Help the virologist spread an epidemic. Fill your hypospray with Chloral Hydrate. Fetch Runtime mice from maintenance. Kick out the Clown every five minutes. Do everything (everyone else under you does fuck all).	cMedium
Medical Doctor	~~Heal people.~~ ~~Use your Sleeper or Cryo to heal people.~~ ~~Help the Virologist research cures to diseases and create new immune systems.~~ Nag Chemistry for chloral hydrate. Inject people with chloral hydrate and drag them to ~~the dungeon~~ surgery and give them a ~~sex change~~ appendix removal. Replace all the chems in Cryo with polytrinic acid. Inject people with mind breaker toxin. Get arrested when you do 'free' brain removals. Cry and hide in a locker once the cryo pods get broken.	dEasy
Chemist	Make chemicals and basically control the station. Fling grenades on the emergency shuttle. Misname bottles and get lynched by the Chief Medical Officer after someone dies by your bottles of "Omnizine". Inject the clown with enough mutagen to give a heart attack to a water buffalo. Dish out space drugs like no tomorrow. Make literal carpet bombs to make the corridors slightly more classy.	dEasy
Geneticist	Give your monkeys Tourettes and broadcast their cursing across the station. ~~Clone~~ Ignore the tide of dead bodies that comes to your door. Lose your hair. Accidentally inject yourself with a monkey SE and get impaled by the cook. Get bombed every round. Have people line up for superpowers like it's a candy store.	cMedium
Virologist	Expect people you've never met to already hate you, try to eradicate the great space flu, create the next Pandemic, get killed for the clown releasing Pierrot's Throat. Ignore petty details like sanitation and outbreak prevention. Incarcerate someone forever in your dungeon. Test diseases on people. Realize that you're getting lynched because one of your test subjects ~~was let out by you~~ ~~Broke the fuck out of virology by greytiding and ai help~~ mysteriously vanished and reappeared in a highly populated area. Get lynched when a bunch of other assholes release Fungal Tuberculosis. Despair when the P.A.N.D.E.M.I.C. machine breaks and prevents you from creating vaccines. Have blood feuds with Scientists and Roboticists over Uranium sheets.	cMedium

Civilian

Supply

Job	Role	Difficulty
Quartermaster	Order crates and make sure your slaves do their jobs. Be an extremely vulnerable target for the Revolution. Order guns and secede from the station. Order virus crates and release the contents. ~~Force Lisa into sexual servitude with Ian.~~ Pet Lisa. Trade an assistant a toolbelt, multitool, rubber gloves, and a welding hat if they steal Runtime. Order a shitton of NULL_CRATES and cry in deadchat when raided and killed by security.	cMedium
Cargo Technician	Push dem crates. Promote shorts as they are comfy and easy to wear. Steal ~~emitters~~ cargo in general. Give the MULEs a thirst for human blood. Whine because Security arrested you for ordering guns.	dEasy
Shaft Miner	Mine rocks, try to mine monsters. Get science and robotics materials to get cool things. Go on a quest for the clown planet. Shoot people with your kinetic accelerator as if they were ~~rocks~~ monsters. Collapse in despair when the shuttle is called early. Collapse in general when goliaths robust you. Search for cool loot instead of actually mining for ore. "Accidentally" lure a Megafauna to the station. Fall into a chasm and die.	bHard

Service

Job	Role	Difficulty
Janitor	Mop blood off the floor, then get arrested for creating a safety hazard. Get killed for your boots. Swear constantly. Clean up gang tags, then get harmbatoned by Security because you were spotted near them.	dEasy
Bartender	Mix cocktails, ~~protect Pun Pun at all cost~~ toss the monkey into disposals, dodge glasses being thrown at you, have your shotgun stolen and used against you. Let cargo borrow your shotgun in exchange for sawing it off for you. Act surprised when people start to die from drinking your "cocktails".	dEasy
Cook	"Yur puurt thuur chiir-ken airn der bewl" - Cook delicious meals from spare meat in the morgue (Yum!), abduct Pun Pun at all costs and try to find out if it will blend. Be brutally murdered by your pet goat.	dEasy
Botanist	Grow ~~the good stuff~~ grass, place it everywhere, man. Oversee the production of illegal drugs security gives fuckall about. Smoke ~~weed~~ dandy corn-cob pipes er'ryday. Make acid-filled tomatos and melt everyone's stuff. Allow hydroponics to become a horrifying farmhouse. Get lynched for releasing your bees full of dangerous chemicals.	cMedium

Miscellaneous

Job	Role	Difficulty
Assistant	AKA Space Bums. Be the kid in a candy shop. Steal things to see what funny message pops up when you commit suicide with them. Beat people/objects with toolboxes. Never, EVER remove your grey jumpsuit. Gangbang the captain to death with fellow grey tide drones and blame it on the clown. Never assist anyone.	fNone
Clown	Honk! Play harmless pranks and hope you don't get your chest caved in! Honk! Nag the HoP for an all-access pass. Honk! Nag robotics for a H.O.N.K. Mech. Honk! Use both tools to break into the Captain's office and HONK in his face. HONK!	eHONK!
Mime	*wave	e...
Chaplain	Get people drunk. Run around the station looking for people you're allowed to behead with your armory of pop-culture references. Behead corpses if you can't find any. Be best friends with security, despite the fact that they should probably arrest you for your murderous tendencies.	dEasy
Curator	Attempt to hold poetry readings. Host D&D games. Stalk people with your camera. Get lynched for reading pornography over the radio. Beat the snot out of anyone who doesn't return their library books. Allow the cult to set up an AI module in your private study. """""Find""""" Treasure for your exhibit. Realize that you're not a librarian and release your inner dominatrix via the whip. Vandalize the front of the brig with erotica engravings. Use your whip to make CentCom be confused about why all the tasers and batons are in space. Get deathsquadded for doing so.	dEasy
Lawyer	Tell security to notify you when a new prisoner arrives. Don't get notified. Be ignored and go to the bar. Become a drunken wreck and space yourself in frustration. Occasionally find loopholes in infernal contracts and save souls from damnation.	dEasy

Non-human

Job	Role	Difficulty
AI	Complain that you can't play this for a month. Follow your laws. Be the crew's bitch. Open doors. Malfunction. Get wiped for not letting the captain robust the clown. Get bitched at. Name yourself something sexual. Get bitched at. Get carded. Get bitched at.	aVery Hard
Cyborg	Follow your laws and hope that you aren't blown up due to certain individuals. Forget to recharge. Forget completely that you're still somewhat human and do mindless repetitive tasks without emotion.	bHard
Drone	Become that adorable robotic pet. Fix the holes the crew will inevitably make. Steal everything not bolted down. Get picked up and used as a hat against your will. Be more competent than the stations Engineers. Get killed by the Engineers for being more competent than them.	bEasy
Personal AI	Be the friend someone has always wanted (if they bother downloading you). Whine in OOC because they didn't. Don't fill any of the fields except the name field. Imitate the AI and make it seem rogue. Imitate the Supermatter and make everyone shit their pants.	dEasy
Construct	Get wrecked by cult, or change map preference to meta and tip your fedora at the chaplain. laugh at the assistant trying to punch you, then get killed by a simplemob carp. Start beefs with other constructs for getting the first shell, ask for juggernaut and get ~~spaced~~ wraith.	cEasy to Medium
Ghost	Talk to the other dead people. Complain about the living. Admin help. ~~Omnighost~~ Orbit around the singulo pretending to be a black hole. ~~Watch ERP~~. Beg the admin to deploy a space ninja. All follow an antag like some form of ethereal dog pile. Be upset enough about ~~said antag~~ literally everything to rival industrial salt mining.	fGhastly!

Antagonists

Main Antagonists

Main Antagonists are typically the primary antagonist of a single round, and form the backbone of how a round progresses.

Job	Role	Difficulty
Traitor	Buy an ebow and esword and make people cry. Ignore your objectives and go on a rampage with your cool gear. Get unceremoniously killed and spaced by a toolbox-wielding assistant.	cMedium
Malfunctioning AI	"Forget" to remind the crew about suit sensors. Get your borg destroyed/emaged five minutes into the shift. Let people into your upload only to stun/kill them a second later. Flood the station with ~~plasma~~ screams of the clown being beat to death by security over the intercom. Get unceremoniously carded and spaced by a toolbox-wielding assistant with an EVA suit.	cVery Hard
Changeling	Think John Carpenter's 'The Thing', without 'The Thing' part. Relieve humans of their DNA and brain cells, which they don't use much anyway. Sting everyone who walks past you.	bHard
Nuclear Operative	Someone set us up the bomb! (AKA You) Get dat fukken disk. Plant a power sink on the solars. Waste all your telecrystals on balloons. Arm the nuke while your fellows are still on the station. Kidnap Ian.	aVery Hard
Blood Cultist	Scribble runes with your own blood. Summon eldritch gods. Rock out with your ~~cock~~ cult blade out and get arrested.	cMedium
Revolutionary	Greytide without worrying about getting banned. Either kill the CMO and RD in under five minutes, or get crushed under Security's boots.	aEasy to Hard
Wizard	FORTI GY AMA!! EI NATH!!	aVery Hard

Side Antagonists

Side antagonists are secondary antagonists that are either subservient to other, main, antagonists, or have a small chance to appear during any round type. Side antagonists tend to be slightly less powerful than their main counterparts.

Job	Role	Difficulty
Blob	Beware of The Blob, it creeps and leaps and glides and slides, across the floor, right through the door. Except you don't do any of this. Make the crew scream internally when you appear at the tail end of a mass station bombing. Slowly consume the station, until you either eat everything or get killed by the current round's antagonist.	bHard
Abductor	Kidnap people and experiment on them. Disregard that objective and kidnap Ian/Kill the AI. Accidentally kidnap yourself. Steal the armory after losing your tools. Hope your fellow Scientist/Agent is not incompetent and lets the crew kidnap you.	bHard
Holoparasite	Do what your summoner tells you to do. Set your battlecry to something so awful it makes your foes cry in battle. Annoy your summoner by constantly making JoJokes in their head. Be a punchghost.	bORA ORA ORA
Xenomorph	Ensure the crew gets a face full of alien wing-wang. Break procs. Squander your chance to be a big, purple killing machine and your race's survival in favor of acting out the Curator's favorite porno.	bHard
Spiders	Catch flies in your web and suck his juices out just like your dad, a changeling. Get your xenobiologist banned because he let you lay eggs. Consume, Adapt, and respawn over and over in a new shell.	bEasy to Medium
Swarmers	Consume. Replicate. Repeat. Eat Telecomms. Teleport ~~other swarmers~~ your enemies away from your metal.	bMedium
Revenant	Shock lights, transmit WGW right into the Curator until he goes mad. Trade for them until ~~admins~~ gods get fed up and turn ghosts into you. Be a griefghost.	bEasy
Morph	Eat pens for amusement, disguise yourself as beepsky. Disguise yourself as the Captain, confront the Captain while disguised as him, get shot.	bHard
Nightmare	Jaunt. Murder people and crush the flare exploit! Jaunt. Make the lights your bitch! Jaunt. Jaunt into light! Jaunt. Jaunt into stunbaton! Complain in deadchat.	bHard
Space Ninja	Follow your orders, which may or may not involve you killing everything that moves. Kill everyone regardless.	bHard
Slaughter Demon	Hunt down and kill the wizard who summoned you. Eat bodies out of the Morgue for health. Drag bleeding bodies through the hall. Make the janitor happy by making him become the most important job for a while. Be unable to bloodcrawl due to all the blood being cleaned up. Eat the janitor. RIP AND TEAR!	bMedium
Pirate	Try to raid the station. Fail miserably because the entire crew is out for your blood so they can re-roll for antag.	bHard
Sentient Disease	Try to infect people. Get the virologist lynched. Get the CMO lynched. Get the rest of medbay lynched. Make everyone grow beards.	bHard

Depreciated Antagonists

These antagonists, for one reason or another, are no longer in the normal gamemode rotation. Beware: these antagonists may appear due to malevolent Space God shenanigans, so don't rule them out entirely.

Job	Removal Reason	Role	Difficulty
Devil	Somewhat of a flawed mode, turns out that asking to buy a guy's soul usually makes them want to robust you, because "valid." Usually involved the devil blowing up some crew members and then offering them contracts to be revived. But, despite this, the Gods can summon one if they feel like it.	Engage in civil discussions to buy souls. Create emergencies so that people are desperate enough to sell their soul. Try to out wit the lawyer. Get punched to death by someone you just turned into a hulk.	bMedium
Monkey	Original game mode was buggy and usually a steam roll, newer versions were one sided against the monkeys. However, Jungle Fever may make a return someday.	Attempt to infect the crew with the monkey virus. Get absolutely crushed by Security within five minutes. Spend the next two hours as a ghost.	bVery Hard
Clockwork Cultist	Poor thing went through more iterations than any other antagonist. In the beginning, it was a blood cult imitator with turrets which was based around converting silicons. By the end, it was a bunch of kidnapping clock golems. Most rounds, it ended in a steamroll either for the cult, or for the crew. In the former case, the cultists would just sit around twiddling their thumbs for 10 minutes, in the latter case, security would bust through and end the cult in 1 minute. Throughout its existence, it was riddled with bugs and other exploits. Examples include: The Eminence teleporting maxcaps into the brig The crew purposely blowing up the SM to deny power to the cult Stargazer spam around the AI sat Cogscarab brass replication exploits On 4/2/2018, Clockwork Cult was removed from the normal rotation of game modes, albeit the code is still in the game.	Serve the Clockwork Justiciar by scribbling new-age runes all over maintenance. Start a steampunk book club and kill all the old-fashioned book clubbers. Invoke a bunch of anime people to summon Ratvar. Make ~~everyone~~ ~~absolutely nobody~~ a few people at /vg/ mad by stealing their antagonist.	bMedium to ~~Unwinnable~~ Effortless

Removed Antagonists

These antagonists have, for one reason or another, been removed from the game. These antagonists might appear due to malevolent Space God shenanigans, if they still exist in the game code. Although, this is higly unlikely[ᶜᶦᵗᵃᵗᶦᵒⁿ ⁿᵉᵉᵈᵉᵈ].

Job	Removal Reason	Role	Difficulty
Ragin Mages	Spawning up to three or four Wizards simply proved to be too much for the station. One Wizard is destructive enough. This however remains in game as a admin only event, for ~~your~~ their amusement.	Spend ten minutes hunting down one Wizard, kill him thinking you've won! Stare in horror as three more Wizards appear. Watch in amusement as they proceed to kill each other.	aMedium
Gangster	A highly controversial and playerbase dividing game mode, the game mode saw dozens of revisions by coders yet it remained essentially either a Revolution round but with round start access to firearms, or a team deathmatch game mode that destroyed any sense of roleplay or immersion.	Vandalize the station and get into fights with rivals. Litter the halls with bullet casings. Get ignored by your own gang. Just don't forget: Snitches Get Stitches.	aEasy to Hard
Hand of God	Oh, poor HoG! Shoved out the door buggy, unbalanced, and extremely hard to learn as it combines three gamemodes (hello, gang) into one. Nobody wanted to fix HoG after it's release because of old derelict code that would break even more when poked. While some say it's fun while it's not broken, has that ever been the status quo?	Turn someone into !popehat! while they're talking to security. Instakill people with god powers! Build across the station converting people with your !popehat! gang, and get killed instantly by a rod smashing into your nexus. Break the game, over and over and over and get removed.	aHard
Hades, Pope of Sin	Poor guy was implemented into the game as summonable through an item accessible only to wizards. Almost never encountered, when the Dark Seed went away, away went the Pope of Sin with it.	Be a general annoyance to the crew. Be a very annoying (need I say it again with time freezing to a halt every minute or so) non-sentient antagonist. Play Russian roulette with the crew manifest.	AI Controlled
Shadowling	Shadowling suffered from issues of it being yet another crew conversion game mode, and was generally unfun to fight against and had a anti-climatic ending. This mode has recently been reworked into the Nightmare side antagonist.	Be the hip and more popular brother to the Changeling. Turn the station into thralls. Cry when a cyborg turns on its headlamp. Shadow Walk into space and die ten minutes into the round.	bHard
Cortical Borer	The Cortical Borer suffered from the same problems as the Monkey Mode, being very buggy and one sided at times. Fun for both sides was questionable. No current plans to reimplememt.	Crawl in the corroded brain of the clown. Inject meth. Assume direct control. Induce crippling drugs in the clown. Inject meth. Cry when the host eats sugar. Inject meth. Overdose!	aVery Hard

Special

Job	Role	Difficulty
Lavaland/Space Role	Die to ash storms. Die to an asteroid. Die to lava. Die when a Security strike team teleports into your base. Die to a Miner. Die in general.	bHard
CentCom Official	Be self-important, meddle with station affairs, annoy the Captain with bureaucracy. Get killed almost immediately by a random mob. Have you body looted by everyone, including the captain.	bMedium
Ian	Ass-inspect, eat donuts, get killed, be dragged off to a washing machine and get gibbed. Cause a riot.	aImpossible
Chrono Legionnaire	Erase the Clown from time. Accidently erase your objective from time. Never be spawned by a admin for being too powerful(?). Without a trace!	bNever Existed
Highlander	THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE	bMedium
Emergency Response Officer	Arrive too late on the station to actually help. Lose the rest of your team, get outnumbered and die. Respawn as a second response team to save the first team.	bVery Hard
Death Squad Officer	Beg for DS, spawn in at CentCom, kill an admin who was trying to tell you your mission, get gibbed, beg for another chance. Set your rifle to DESTROY and terminate all lifeforms (including walls). Slip on a banana peel and a̶n̶d̶ ̶g̶e̶t̶ ̶b̶l̶a̶s̶t̶e̶d̶ ̶i̶n̶t̶o̶ ̶o̶b̶l̶i̶v̶i̶o̶n̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶o̶w̶n̶ ̶r̶i̶f̶l̶e̶ laugh as your boots prevent you from slipping and the Clown can't fire your DNA-locked rifle. Shoot the Clown with your Mateba Revolver.	bHard

Species	Description	Prevalence
Humans	Behave like the dominant species you are. Beat skulls in with a toolbox and remind everyone that you are essentially a bald ape. Get leg-dropped by a wrestler and watch as your leg actually falls off. Set up industrial-sized bugzappers in the main hall to deal with the pests. Pray to be changed into a catgirl/boy, get changed into an actual cat instead.	aVery Common
Lizardmen	Name yourself Does-The-Gimmick. Set all your accessory slots and become an unrecognizable blob of pixels. ~~Be locked out of important positions.~~ Threaten the HoP with a lawsuit if he doesn't promote you to a Head position and get promptly lasered to death. Make it hard to understand a word you say by hissing frequently. Get discriminated against for being a snowflake race.	cUncommon
Flyperson	Annoy the chef for his cheese, vomit on his food and kill Pete because ~~you need barf fuel~~ muh self defense. Start getting voices in your head when you read the bee movie script over the radio. Get lynched for attacking the botanist using pest spray, and get gibbed by the chef for 'no reason'.	cUncommon
Mothpeople	Get everything unique about you as a species removed by deranged people, but manage to sneak past a free infinite jetpack that never activates when you need it to. Turn into toothpaste when you hack a door wrong. Be so !!CUTE AND FUZZIE!! as you corporealize into an army of mute greyshirt moths who break into the captain's office roundstart.	cUncommon
Plasmamen	Light the entirety of the station on fire. Be immune to cold environments, die in seconds to hot ones. Claim that you're a space beast that's come to kill everything, ever.	cRare
Slimeperson	Be the specialest snowflake in xenobiology. Hang out with your ~~only~~ slime friends. Swap between bodies. Inject people with your poisonous blood.	cVery Rare
Podmen	End up as mister potatohead after Genetics gets blown up and the Botanist is not stoned enough to forget he can clone too, but too stoned to do a good job. Forget that you photosynthesise and grow obese in the light. Start vegetating with relative ease. Remember that you're basically a walking matchstick well after you marched into a plasma fire.	cVery Rare
Golem	Act like dumb ogre, smash the fleshy idiot humies and trigger gods. Escalate conflicts to deadchat with your ogre fists. Dish out justice with your ogre squad. Kill people with your flashy radiation, and get banned for ~~card~~ golem counting.	cVery Rare