Clown
| CIVILIAN STAFF | |
  Clown |
Access: Theatre Additional Access: N/A Difficulty: HONK! Supervisors: Head of Personnel, The Honkmother Duties: Entertain the crew, make bad jokes, go on a holy quest to find bananium, HONK! Guides: No external guides - HONK Quote: IT'S JUST A PRANK, BRO! HONK! |
You are... well... the funny person of the station! Honk honk! This usually means you play harmless pranks on people to remind them that life on the station is not to be taken too seriously. The Clown doesn't have to do anything must spread the word of the Honkmother through honks and elaborate pranks. Basically the clown's job is to goof off, much like an assistant, but clowns don't usually listen to anyone because they have places to be, and things to HONK!
Bare minimum requirements: Be funny to other crewmembers. This is harder than it sounds.
License to HONK
No, it is not a license to be a shitter. Remember, you are still required not to be a dick.
When in doubt, ask yourself: "Are you irrevocably fucking with someone's round (killing, incapacitating, etc.)?"
If yes: don't do it. You'll probably get robusted and banned.
If no: you're probably fine.
Pranks
This is where the bad clowns are separated from the real ones! Pranks can range from anything from harmless honks to the head to throwing random banana peels (usually people hate you for this most of all) all over the hallways, or even spamming prayers to the Honkmother for a H.O.N.K.-mech because those assholes don't have bananium so they couldn't make you one.
If you are really out of ideas and on the verge of being so bored that you'll soon resort to just being a dick, here's a few things a good Clown can do to entertain the crew:
- Tell bad jokes and puns nonstop
- Hold two horns (okay one can be duck) and rapidly switch hands while spamming the use key to dualhonk
- Ride wheeled chairs with fire extinguishers
- Wear cardboard suit and helmet and be a clownborg, beep boop honk
- Wear funny outfits from the AutoDrobe
- Be a pirate clown. Yarr, scurvy dog!
- Be a gentleman clown. I say, good sir!
- Be a gladiator clown. Vale!
- Be a priest clown. Praise the Honkmother!
- Be a chicken clown. Cluck cluck HONK!
- Be a security clown. Stop right there criminal scum, HONK!
- Bolt open the costume storage for the entire crew to use
- Get/pretend to be a random new job, and be terrible/amazing at that job
- Hang monkeys around the station for their various crimes
- Build a Clown-Mart in the Vacant Office
Become a anti Cat Surgeon and remove people's degenerate ears and tail. Do not do this unless they consent or you are an antagonist or you will get in trouble- Hide photocopies of your ass around the station
- Slip then shave peoples heads with a razor
- Cream pie Security Officers
then get beaten to death - Annoy a targeted person of your choice by slipping them non-stop
- Yell fake claims about antags
- Make people panic with fake items from the arcade machines
- Ask the HoP to open more clown slots so you can have friends
- Lube the halls
- Collect shoes from Assistants
- Make a Conveyor-Go-Round and cover it in bananas
- Build a clown restaurant and run the chef out of business
- Insert donuts into people's pockets
- Shoot the Head of Security with the laser tag gun
then get gunned down - Create newsfeed channels and put out outrageous and slightly offensive accusations against people, along with photos
VandalizeImprove random departments with crayon and spraypaint- Write obscenities right outside the brig and get dogpiled by security
- Slip the Captain when he takes his spare ID out
- Make a army of Honkbots
- Make some friends and start
an underground fight cluba circus - Become the shaft miner's plucky comic relief sidekick on a quest for bananium
- Build an art installation and protect it from cleanbots
- Write a book with your best jokes to preserve them for future generations of clowns
- Throw Ian a surprise birthday party with all his command pet friends
- Use the power of SCIENCE to construct elaborate Rube Goldberg machines
- Trade your way up from a cable coil to the Captain's Spare
- Become a majority stake holder of the station and earn a command seat with careful budgeting and trading
Power
Both you and the Mime spawn in the Theatre and have access to all the costumes inside.
If the round goes on long enough, someone may be demented fun-loving enough to build to you a H.O.N.K.-mech. This mech even makes squeaky sounds when it moves instead of in addition to those awful clomping noises of other mechs. Make sure to attach the 'HoNkER BlAsT 5000' to it, for EXTREME HONKING! HONK!
Honk
Honking is how you get your work done. If you honk a honk honk then honk up the honk, well you'll have a doozy of a honk on your honk to wash off.
Equipment
You get the clown suit with matching squeaky shoes (with built-in Waddle Dampeners[TM]), a bike horn, clown stamp (for approving monkey crates) clown mask (which works like a gas mask), a special infinite rainbow clown crayon so you can start writing naughty words all over the escape arm or eating it like a giant honking baby, a can of laughing juice, a clown-themed megaphone (aka funny mic), a pie cannon, a banana, and your slippery PDA. Your PDA can also infect other people's PDAs with a virus that makes it randomly honk, and possibly do other things? Who knows, HONK!
Job Difficulty
The job itself is very easy. Making crewmembers laugh and being a good clown is not. Some people might want to kill you or just treat you poorly just for being the Clown. HONK!
Tips
- The clown's mask can be used for internals.
- If the clown's PDA cartridge has less than 5 charges (sendable viruses which make someone’s PDA honk every time they push a button) left, someone who isn't the clown can slip on it to restore 1 charge per slip. Have fun with that.
- Eating the rainbow crayon completely is impossible. If you're a clown and starving you can just nibble on your crayon, for infinity.
- HONK!
- Dye your clown shoes and slip them on someone, they still squeak.
- The clown's flower is basically a small spray bottle. It can be emptied and can carry 10 units of fluids and shoots exactly 1 unit at a time. So you can fire ten very small shots, and it has an impressive range. It can be loaded from the pepper spray wall units. Since it is one unit the stun does not last long, but it is good for a guaranteed disarm if they lack eye protection.
- Don't fuck with security, they already want to murder you, don't give them a reason (admins will also take your side and ban the shitsec bastard).
- If somebody is chasing you and you haven't emptied your flower of water yet, you can empty it on the floor for a slip that is less obvious than a peel is.
- The clown's PDA can be used in place of a banana peel; people will slip on it just the same. Just remember to take the ID out so if some chucklefuck takes it, you aren't left with no access.
- Telling a few jokes or having a funny gimmick can mean the difference between getting all-access and being lynched after a prank gone wrong.
- You can disable the built-in Waddle Dampeners[TM] in your shoes with CTRL + Click, now you walk normally!