Jobs
In /tg/station 13, your job is somewhat akin to your character class. It defines your starting equipment, your access on board the station, and what you're supposed to be doing. Remember, these job descriptions are for humor purposes only. Please obey common sense and Space Law.
Useful Links
Law and order
| Job | Role | Difficulty |
|---|---|---|
 Captain |
Manage station Heads of Staff. Twist your own head off when the walls start closing in. | Very Hard |
 Head of Personnel |
Manage internal problems. Assign jobs, alter IDs, maintain records, give the Clown all-access, judge the unworthy assistants, flood the station with all-access clowns, be the hero the station |
Hard |
 Head of Security |
Make sure your team isn't Shitcurity. Wear a stylish yet protective coat. Focus your department's efforts on bigger fish than leeches. Dogpile on traitors with the rest of the department while the rest of the station goes to hell, because YOU ARE THE LAW. | Very Hard |
 Security Officer |
Deal with the various dirty fucking criminals running amok on the station. Taser people in the eyes. Pretend the lawyer doesn't exist. Dogpile on traitors. Constantly get bitched at. Use the harm intent, claim they were "resisting arrest". | Hard |
 Warden |
Sit in your office. Sit in your office, again. Steal from the armory, then order crates to cover it up. Maybe keep an eye or two on the armory (So that no one steals the stuff you want to steal), and SET A GODDAMN TIME TO THE TIMER for any arrested scum. | Hard |
 Detective |
Chain smoke cigarettes. Shoot the useless assistants with your cowboy gun. Lose your cowboy gun in a Space Vegas gambling session. Litter the halls with photos. Solve crimes on rare occasion. | Medium |
 Lawyer |
Tell security to notify you when a new prisoner arrives. Don't get notified. Be ignored and go to the bar. Become a drunken wreck and space yourself in frustration. | Medium |
Maintenance and supply
| Job | Role | Difficulty |
|---|---|---|
 Chief Engineer |
Fly around in space while your Subordinates burn down engineering, cut life-support to the station, and release the singularity. | Hard |
 Station Engineer |
Medium | |
 Atmospheric Technician |
Station's ghetto fireman. Ensure everyone can breathe by listening to complaints about how useless you are. If they can talk, everything's within tolerances. Build pipe slides. Forget all about repairing damaged piping. Make some bombs using the empty tanks and accidentally activate them in the hallway. | Medium |
 Janitor |
Mop blood off the floor, then get arrested for creating a safety hazard. Get killed for your boots. Swear constantly. | Easy |
 Quartermaster |
Order crates and make sure your slaves do their jobs. Be an extremely vulnerable target for the Revolution. Order virus crates and release them. |
Medium |
 Cargo Technician |
Push dem crates. Promote shorts as they are comfy and easy to wear. Steal |
Easy |
 Shaft Miner |
Get 100 diamonds for robotics so they can build their big stompy mechs (and never let you use them). Go on a quest for the clown planet. Hit people with the pickaxe as if they were rocks. | Easy |
 Botanist |
Grow |
Easy |
Medical and Science
| Job | Role | Difficulty |
|---|---|---|
 Research Director |
Oversee the demented manchildren of your department. |
Hard |
 Chief Medical Officer |
Complain no one listens to you. Help the virologist spread an epidemic. Fill your hypospray with Chloral Hydrate. Do everything (Everyone else under you does fuck all). | Hard |
 Medical Doctor |
Medium | |
 Chemist |
Make Chloral Hydrate and basically control the station. Fling grenades on the emergency shuttle. Make "candy pills" and refuse to shut up about them. Misname bottles and get lynched by the Chief Medical Officer after they examine your bottle of "Tricordrazine". | Easy |
 Geneticist |
Give your monkeys Tourettes and broadcast their cursing across the station. Clone the tide of dead bodies that comes to your door. Lose your hair. Turn yourself into a monkey and get killed. | Medium |
 Virologist |
Expect people you've never met to already hate you, try to eradicate the great space flu, create the next Pandemic, get killed for the clown releasing Pierrot's Throat. Ignore petty details like sanitation and outbreak prevention. Incarcerate someone forever in your dungeon. | Medium |
 Roboticist |
Build some nifty robots and BIG STOMPY MECHS! Dismantle the station for more metal. Have your cyborgs that you built turn on you when the AI goes rogue. | Easy |
 Scientist |
Get tossed in disposal by the Research Director, nag chemistry, "accidentally" blow up toxins, let the Slimes loose. Refuse to stop at the last two items in the previous list and accidentally kill yourself in enough stupid ways to make murder look like assisted suicide. | Medium |
Civil duty jobs
| Job | Role | Difficulty |
|---|---|---|
| File:Generic assistant.png Assistant |
AKA Space Bums. Be the kid in a candy shop. Steal things to see what funny message pops up when you commit suicide with them. Beat people/objects with toolboxes. | Good for Beginners |
 Bartender |
Mix cocktails, protect Pun Pun at all cost, dodge glasses being thrown at you, have your shotgun stolen and used against you. Let cargo borrow your shotgun in exchange for sawing it off for you. Act suprised when people start to die from drinking your "cocktails". | Easy |
 Chef |
"Yur puurt thuur chiir-ken airn der bewl" - Cook delicious meals from spare meat in the morgue (Yum!), abduct Pun Pun at all costs and try to find out if it will blend. Be brutally murdered by your pet goat. | Easy |
 Clown |
Honk! Play harmless pranks and hope you don't get your chest caved in! Honk! Nag the HoP for an all-access pass. Honk! Nag robotics for a H.O.N.K. Mech. Honk! Use both tools to break into the Captain's office and HONK in his face. HONK! | HONK! |
 Mime |
... [Provide oh so sophisticated entertainment for the crew.] | ... |
 Chaplain |
Drink your holy water. Preach your religion with your all-healing bible. Drink more holy water. Make people retarded with your all-healing bible. Pretend to listen. Pray to the almighty |
Easy |
 Librarian |
Attempt to hold poetry readings. Stalk people with your camera. Get lynched for reading pornography over the radio. | Easy |
Nonhuman jobs
| Job | Role | Difficulty |
|---|---|---|
 AI |
Complain that you can't play this for a month. Follow your laws. Be the crew's bitch. Open doors. Malfunction. Get wiped for not letting the captain robust the clown. | Very Hard |
 Cyborg |
Follow your laws and hope that you aren't blown up due to certain individuals. Forget to recharge. Forget completely that you're still somewhat human and do mindless repetitive tasks without emotion. | Hard |
 Personal AI |
Be the friend someone has always wanted (if they bother downloading you). Whine in OOC because they didn't. Don't fill any of the fields except the name field. | Easy |
 Construct |
Obey your master, who is either worshiping Narsie or something worse. | Medium |
 Ghost |
Talk to the other dead people. Complain about the living. Admin help. Omnighost. | Ghastly! |
Enemy jobs
| Job | Role | Difficulty |
|---|---|---|
 Nuclear Agent |
Someone set us up the bomb! (AKA You) Get dat fukken disk. | Very Hard |
 Changeling |
Think John Carpenter's 'The Thing', without 'The Thing' part- Relieve humans of their DNA and brain cells, which they don't use much anyway. | Hard |
 Xenomorph |
Ensure the crew gets a face full of alien wing-wang. Break procs. Squander your chance to be a big, purple killing machine and your race's survival in favor of acting out the librarian's favorite porno. | Hard |
 Wizard |
FORTI GY AMA!! then EI NATH!! | Glorious Failure |
 Slime |
Feed me monkeys! | Medium |
Special Jobs
| Job | Role | Difficulty |
|---|---|---|
 Death Squad Officer |
USE YOUR ZAPPY GUN ON EVERYTHING! | Hard |
 Space Ninja |
Follow your orders, which may or may not involve you killing everything that moves. Suck on power like a lollipop. | Hard |
 Adamantine Golem |
Ignore your Master, get eaten by slimes five minutes after creation | Hard |