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Captain

2025-10-06T16:42:32Z

Doc-Insaneo:

{{JobPageHeader
|headerbgcolor = darkblue
|headerfontcolor = white
|stafftype = COMMAND
|imagebgcolor = lightblue
|img_generic = Generic_captain.png
|img = Captain action.png
|jobtitle = Captain
|access = [[:Category:Locations|Everywhere]]
|additional = N/A
|difficulty = Easy - Very Hard
|superior = Space Law and [[Nanotrasen]] Officials
|duties = Be responsible for the station, manage your [[Heads of Staff]], [[Beyond the impossible|Keep the crew alive]], be prepared to do anything and everything or die horribly trying.
|guides = [[Chain of Command]], [[Space Law]], [[Guide to Trials]], [[Guide to Head of Staff Equipment|Head of Staff Equipment]], [[Art of Captaincy]]
|quote = I don't care what they call me back on the station, I'm not a traitor. I'm a person of principles and standards. And if lives get in the way of those principles, so be it! I'd say I'm the better one here. But, once it's all said and done, I'll be a hero.
}}
[[File:CaptainsQuartersSmall.png|300px|thumb|alt=Captain's Quarters|[[Captains Quarters|Your personal office and quarters]]]]

You are the Captain, the top of the [[Chain of Command]]. Only a Central Command official may officially strip you of your rank, and you better hope that won't be necessary.

'''Bare minimum requirements:'''
* You should have an understanding of what is expected of all Command Staff jobs, and try to manage them.
* Secure and protect the [[Nuclear Authentication Disk]] and the Captain's Spare ID.
* In the absence of a [[Head of Personnel]] it will be up to you to assign and re-assign crew to appropriate positions on the station and to appoint Heads to departments lacking one.
* It is your duty to ensure the stability and productivity of the station, as well as carrying out directives from [[CentCom]].
==Howdy, Skipper!==
===[[File:Id_gold.png|32px|]] Being a Captain – Basics===
[[File:Bridge_small.png|thumb|300px|alt=Bridge|The [[Bridge]]]]
The Captain has [[Captains Quarters|spacious quarters]], complete with an [[Arcade Machine|arcade machine]], ID computer and Communications console, a [[High-risk_items#Jet_Pack|Jetpack]], a [[High-risk_items#Hand_teleporter|hand teleporter]], the [[High-risk_items#Nuclear_authentication_disk|Nuclear Authentication Disk]], a Suit Storage Unit with an extremely protecting space-worthy hardsuit inside and a pressurized and humidity controlled display case with your pride and joy, the [[High-risk_items#Captain.27s_Antique_Laser_Gun|antique laser gun]].

The case will only be openable on blue alert, and the case has been outfitted with a handy anti-theft system. A [[Clown|dirty criminal]] might run up, slip you, and take it, so watch yourself.

There is also a locked wooden box in your office filled with medals. These can be awarded to your crew to commend them for exemplary service.

At the start of the shift, take your spare ID '''and nuclear authentication disk'''. When you've done that, you've done half your job already. If you're feeling particularly vulnerable, give your [[pinpointer]] to the Head of Security. After this, walk around the station and command people.

'''[[Guide to Head of Staff Equipment#The Captain|Have a look at all your unique equipment here.]]'''
===Head of Heads===
When you’re not fighting Revolutionaries, Traitors, Syndicates, Wizards and whatnot (which you should not do if you have a fully active Security team anyways), you are monitoring the crew. You are at the top of the food chain, and possess the ultimate authority over everyone and everything on your station.

You are the Judge, the final word, the Big Guy. You have the ultimate veto power over all matters and are the only person who can authorize an execution without a trial. Anyone who questions your authority can technically be tried for mutiny. There really is no way to tell you exactly how to run things as many people have different leadership styles. However, as Captain, here are some guidelines you should keep in mind:
#'''Do not involve yourself when there is somebody else available to do the job.''' Why have a [[Head of Security]] if you're going to involve yourself in every security matter? If there isn't a head for a specific department, promote a new one. It will make your life so much easier.
#'''Delegate whenever you can.''' You should never have to do any manual task yourself. If someone says 'Captain, there's a plasma leak!' then you should order your [[Chief Engineer]] to fix it. Do not attempt to fix it yourself, as you will put yourself unnecessarily at risk. Your safety is of utmost importance.
#'''Follow the [[Chain of Command]].''' You command the Heads. The Heads command their departments. Try not to skip them in the decision-making process as they are the ones who ''should'' know their own departments best.
#'''Stay alert.''' You have a big target on your back. It is likely you'll be a prime Traitor target just for your all-access ID. With this in mind, you may want to spend a fair bit of time lounging in the security of the [[Bridge]].
#'''Keep calm and carry on.''' As Captain, be prepared to deal with any or all of the following: Incompetent or absent Heads, traitors and angry crew members banging down the bridge door trying to get in, corrupted AIs on a murder spree and the occasional aftermath of an Armageddon against the station, thanks to a range of the above. And it's your job to manage it all. Good luck.
===[[File:Circuitboard.png|32px]] Refitting the DOORKNOB – Uploading Laws Made Easy===
Uploading Laws to the [[AI]] isn’t something you should be doing lightly.

In order to do so you first need to extract the upload key from the robotics console in the RD Office which you will need to input to effect any law changes.

Do not get angry with the AI if it does not want you uploading a new law, as Nanotrasen has pre-programmed them to be sensitive to law changes. Besides, Nanotrasen wouldn't want another SHODAN fiasco happening again.

But remember the Hierarchy. Law 1 overrides Laws 2, 3, 4, etc. A Law 4 telling the AI to kill all Revolutionaries isn’t going to work. A Law 4 classifying Revolutionaries as Nonhuman and that they must be eliminated works much better. Law priority is enforced by the order they are listed. A law is invalid if it disagrees with previous laws in the form of conflicting orders, or challenges the procession of law priority.

Keep in mind that if you upload a shitty/traitorish law 'KILL ALL HUMANS' or 'ONLY [Your name] IS HUMAN', you WILL get in trouble.

===[[File:NTlogo.png|32px]] Those Assholes From Corporate===
With your fancy title, medals, and luxurious excesses it's easy to forget that there is an outside, [[Admin|higher power]] scrutinizing your every move.

Contact with [[Central Command]] may be few and far between, but you're expected to follow any directives issued by them. CentCom will usually issue directives and updates on activities in your sector through the Communications Console located on the Bridge and your office.

If you're unlucky, you might have to deal with a visit from a [[CentCom Official]]. Official visits vary from standard performance reviews, internal investigations, or some other kind of corporate meddling. Whatever the case may be, it is important that you try and keep the Official happy throughout their visit. If all else fails, just make sure you can't be blamed for anything that goes wrong.

However, keep in mind that you still hold authority over any Officials on your station. That is, as long as you're still the legitimate Captain. If you piss off the wrong guy you might find yourself relieved of command. If the Official is causing trouble, though, you are well within your right to have them arrested, and then contact THEIR superior with a complaint.

If you somehow really piss both them and the crew off, do start worrying. Many a Captain have been [[Station Goals#Bluespace Artillery|vaporized in their own Quarters]] for acting like a complete [[Clown|lunatic]].

Contacting CentCom on your own is possible through the use of Communications Consoles, but unless the transmission is urgent it will likely get caught up for weeks in CentCom's notorious bureaucracy. Even then, it'll be a crapshoot.
===[[File:Nuke.gif|32px]] Abandoning Ship===
'''You are ultimately responsible for the station.''' It is not uncommon for Captains to be court-martialled or even executed if he or she should decide to abandon their ship, regardless of condition. As they hold the ultimate responsibility for the station and its crew, losing them could likely be perceived by your superiors as desertion, mutiny and/or sedition.

So keep this in mind when you are facing disaster. Permit no evacuations without your explicit authorization. '''<u>You should be doing your utmost in keeping the station up and running'''</u> --lest you go down with the ship, either one way or the other.
==[[File:Light Bulb.png]]Tips==
* As Captain, you should always be carrying the Nuke Disk on yourself.
* The Nuke Disk can fit in a wallet. Now the operatives have to search yet another storage container on your person! Nuke Disk into a wallet, wallet into a box filled with wallets, in a backpack full of boxes, on the AI sat.
* Never, NEVER, put the Nuke Disk into your safe. Anyone who needs to steal it WILL be able to easily steal it.
* Don't go nuts and run off by yourself. You're not a one-man army, and no one else on the station has your level of access, rushing head along into a Medbay cult, only to discover the rest of security doesn't have access to follow through the front doors to help you, can quickly lead to disaster.
*As Captain, you should pay attention to the needs and complaints of the crew and Heads of Department, use this to better coordinate departments. Remember that your job is not just gear and power. If, for example, there is radio chatter about Security performing poorly, you should look into it.
*Have your head on a swivel, many an EOTC wants you or your stuff, avoid areas off cameras like maintenance or rarely checked rooms.

==Conclusion==
The only person with more potential to fuck things up than you is the AI, and they’re probably not going to do that. So watch your step, your back, and your crew, or you may just end up floating through space wondering why your Oxygen tank is filled with plasma.

'''As a special note''', the [[Administrators|gods]] tend to notice the actions of the captain quite a bit more often than they do [[chaplain|anyone]] [[clown|else]].
{{Jobs}}
[[Category: Jobs]]

Art of Captaincy

2023-03-08T19:38:36Z

Doc-Insaneo: /* Conclusion (Please tell others to buy my guide) */

[[File:Gary on Horse.png|center|thumb|574x574px|"I own all of you bitches" -Captain Baron Sergeant Gary Ulysses Johnson of Lunar Colony Alpha]]

= Introduction =
Greetings captains new and old, thank you for purchasing the Art of Captaincy by me, Captain Johnson (the money you used to purchase this book will be used for the finest of booze/weapons/court payments). This guide will go over all the basics, how you interact with your crew, and threat management, all supplemented with my knowledge that I learned the hard way. If you are a new captain, stay calm, you have a hard job but if you play your cards right you could get drunk while the crew runs smoothly. You’re the head honcho, the big man/woman/silicone, the supreme leader, you are the captain. Now that I got your confidence high, let’s begin with suiting up.

= Suiting up (or getting “da fuckin disc”) =
So, the start of your shift usually starts in your office, which is pretty fucking swanky if I say so myself. You got a desk (real wood, not that synthetic crap), a clean bed, a console which we will go over later, and your own source of alcohol. So, you crack open your shiny locker, you throw on your coolest clothing to intimidate the crew and any antagonistic forces (parade jacket and crown works best IMO), and your officers' sword. You will also see a PTSD (personal tiny self-defense, not the mental disorder you may suffer from after a few shifts) gun, which has two modes, disable and kill. Suddenly something catches your eye, your antique laser gun, which due to some policy made by those jerkoffs at Central Command can only be opened at Blue Alert. Forgetting something, oh yeah, YOU FORGOT THE FUCKING DISC! Not to completely simplify our glorious job, but at the bare minimum we just have to hold the nuclear authentication disc. For some unknown reason we use technology that is half a millennium old to hold our nuclear data, don’t question it, they haven’t explained it properly to me either. Don’t throw it in your bag, hide it because our despised enemy, the Syndicate (GOI: 03), wants it like how felines want head pats. You can store the disc in several places (EOTC stop reading here), your cloak, your wallet, your carapace/parade jacket, or if you trust your CMO, implanted in your body. For the love of all that is holy, please do not give the disc to anyone ever. You would be surprised how many new captains I saw hand their disc to the Head of Security or Head of Personal, and in one instance the clown. Central Command will do horrible things to you if you do not have the disc at the end of the shift. Now that I instilled the fear of God into you, let’s move along. You will find your communications console, you can use this to call Central, ask for the nuke codes if you want to go out in a blaze of glory, call the shuttle, or make an announcement to the entire crew. I personally like to set things straight first thing with a rousing announcement that sets standards and raises my prestige. Announce to the crew your intentions for the shift, any threats that might affect them, or vaguely threaten any traitors onboard. Now, drip or drown you have a large selection of clothing including a crown, sword, your carapace, and several parade jackets. Now that you are dressed to impress, have your disc secured, and have made a rousing announcement, check in with your heads of staff. Sound off over the command channel and if you don’t hear a department head pay closer attention to them before an actual head arrives.

= Working with your heads of staff (or how to work with mental patients) =
So, this part seems to separate the good captains from the anti-social weirdos who somehow worked their way up to this rank. Communication is the name of the game; you have to keep track of your heads and manage the managers. If engineering wants to build a singularity engine, you need to work with your Chief Engineer and Head of Personal (Quartermaster if you want to get nitty gritty). Working with a mix of personalities can be challenging if not rage inducing, such as a rules stickler Head of Security or a stuttering Chief Medical Officer. You need to keep the peace and make sure these gaggle of wonderful people don't kill each other, or worse, damage the station. Now if you’re new to the rank, you might not know these people, but to the veteran Captain some of these heads could be familiar to you. A friend or someone you can trust personally is worth their weight in gold. Alternatively, you could exploit this, say your Research Director frequents a different sector known for its “colorful” and “furry” population, you can use this information by appealing to their interest or use the information for blackmail. A well trained and experienced head is very valuable, just let them loose but check in once and a while with sitreps and inspections. A newer head needs to be guided, they might be qualified to run a department, but they might not be qualified to work with people (most people on this station lack people skills, get used to it). You also need to assert your dominance, let the heads know who’s boss. The Head of Security commands officers, the Chief Engineer controls a magic power rock, and the Chief Medical Officer controls life itself in some regards. These might make them arrogant, so occasionally you need to put them in their place to humble them. The balancing act of freedom is something you need to take the utmost care for: give them too much freedom and they become feral and disobedient, too little and you have to micromanage every department which might lead into a full-fledged mutiny. You could win the respect of the crew, or you could command them through rank and orders, experiment to see what works best with you.

= How to lead the crew (those guys who will most likely lynch you given the chance) =
While you need to communicate with your heads, you equally need to work with your assorted underlings. Don’t sit on the bridge like a pussy and walk around (or with the segway if you REALLY want to impress them) and interact with them. A reason why people adore me is unlike half of you limp dick imposters is I actually talk to people and get to know the people who work under me. You can make friends who could one day become a head of staff (hence circling back to the previous section) or at least a competent crew mate you can trust. Now there is only so much you can shake hands and charm the crew, there might be a time where the crew grows mutinous. Maybe you piss off an assistant by telling them to stop breaking into EVA storage, maybe you told the curator their waifu isn’t real, or maybe the Syndicate implanted agitators to convert the crew to kill YOU and your heads. However Central Command has a cure for anarchism, MIND SHIELDS, just jab them for a second and bam, instant loyal crew. As soon as you get wind of a revolution you need to give them the jab ASAP, if their mind resists them, I recommend reading up on Pinochet or come up with your own crime against humanity. Once security arms up, storm cargo and mind shield the technicians and Quartermaster (who is the most important person in this situation as they can turn the tide through order mind shields for you or guns for them) and then move onto medical and so on. Order your heads to go into brig, or if they can’t, have an officer escort them. Remember what I said about talking with the crew? Don’t do that right now, go radio silent and barely talk to them as it might be a trick. Keep them in the dark as announcing that there is a revolution tell the revolutionaries that they know that you know, leading them to go loud which means more upfront damage. If you catch it early and distribute enough mind shields, you’re safe, but if it gets too big, I recommend going FULL war criminal and gunning down groups of dissidents. If worse comes to even more worse, call Central Command for the nuke codes so you and these bastards will die in a big ol’ mushroom. “Duty. Honor. Courage. Semper Fi.”

(Due to recent events, we have eliminated the threat of revolutionaries. However the tactics can be used against the rising threat known as Hiveminds, like a revolutionary had a love child with heretic that can mind control your crew.)

= Central Command and you (Those cunts in corporate) =
This right here is the most terrifying part of the job, not the bloodthirsty revolutionaries, not the blood worshiping cults, and not the blood spilling traitors, but dealing with your boss. They’ll send messages from time to time, which is to be expected, but if an intern/inspector comes you should hope and prepare for an inspection. Above all keep them alive at all costs, every single antagonistic force has wet dreams about an unarmed official showing up so you would like to escort them around personally or have an officer or detective delegated to that duty. Mostly these inspections end badly but their report gets “lost” soon after in the bureaucratic hell that is Central Command. If an Admiral or executive comes, may God/Carp’sie have mercy on your soul because depending on how you handle things, they might be out for you. Do what they say when they say it to the letter. Alternatively, if they promise to have you fired or worse (Central Command stop reading here) you could invite them into maintenance to have a chat with Mr. Fire Ax. However, fret not, I have a list of information for you to use to persuade them or their boss:

* Admiral Svenson has a fetish for cat paws and has 2 terabytes of pictures of that nature saved to hard drive.
* Junior Executive Marko frequents the SR sector despite his claims to the contrary.
* Senior Science Officer Melindi is behind the development of Protogens and “dog borgs” and their spread on several stations.
* Executive Smith and an unidentified assistant had a long affair under everyone’s nose (except me, tip your shuttle driver next time).
* CEO Jonathan Nanotrasen was (and possibly still is) close friends with the CEO of Waffle tech, a subsidiary of the Syndicate.
* Admiral AM84 “lost” a shipment of weapons right before a well-armed Syndicate incursion stormed KS-13.
* Executive McNyason is a feline, google her name on any “saucy” website and you’ll find enough blackmail to compensate for her entire department of Advanced Biological Testing (She is an expert on receiving biological samples if you know what I mean).
* The chief architect of "Glow" design station admitted to me that they hope people fall down the open spaces because it's funny.
* The ENTIRE internal affairs task force "nine eyes" has done frequent shore leave to Virgo Orbital Research Establishment.

If you have any more blackmail, please email me at G-Johnson@ColMarines.nt

= Might makes right (How to convince people you know best) =
Say you’re in an argument with someone, how can you convince them you are right. Remember the four Gs, Gaslight, Girlboss, Gatekeep, Gary. Gaslight the person you are right by getting a yes man to agree with you or twisting the AI into it. Do they really know what they are talking about or has a certain regulation or code changed ever so slightly to make you right? Girlboss (this goes to the men and silicones as well I just like alliteration), YOU'RE in charge and YOUR boss, who is this NERD to disagree with you? You worked hard to get here and make sure to let them know that you know you’re right. Gatekeep them, you did their job before they even stepped foot on the station, a newbie like them should stay in their place while you handle the rest because you’re right. Gary, if all else fails, resort to the most primal neanderthal solution. Bash their skull in or burn their flesh with your gun, can’t be right if you’re dead ey?

= Conclusion (Please tell others to buy my guide) =
So, Gary, you might ask this paper/dataslate/presentation “what else can I do to be a great captain and totally not a comdon like you?” Well, this is the best part of the job, do what you want! As long as you keep your schemes under control and away from Central Command, you can do whatever you fancy. When time is plenty and all is well, shake it up and order something cool like a singularity engine or a rage cage championship. Just know that this is a dangerous job, and you need to be ready to handle everything that is almost impossible to predict. Just remember that you are worth way more than everyone else, save the disc and yourself. Look to famous captains for wisdom such as Picard, Sisko, Blackbeard, and me. I can feel the drugs wearing off so I’ll end this the same way I end my announcements, stay safe, stay happy. Happy hunting captains!

Art of Captaincy

2023-03-08T19:37:59Z

Doc-Insaneo: Made this page, planning to link with captain page.

[[File:Gary on Horse.png|center|thumb|574x574px|"I own all of you bitches" -Captain Baron Sergeant Gary Ulysses Johnson of Lunar Colony Alpha]]

= Introduction =
Greetings captains new and old, thank you for purchasing the Art of Captaincy by me, Captain Johnson (the money you used to purchase this book will be used for the finest of booze/weapons/court payments). This guide will go over all the basics, how you interact with your crew, and threat management, all supplemented with my knowledge that I learned the hard way. If you are a new captain, stay calm, you have a hard job but if you play your cards right you could get drunk while the crew runs smoothly. You’re the head honcho, the big man/woman/silicone, the supreme leader, you are the captain. Now that I got your confidence high, let’s begin with suiting up.

= Suiting up (or getting “da fuckin disc”) =
So, the start of your shift usually starts in your office, which is pretty fucking swanky if I say so myself. You got a desk (real wood, not that synthetic crap), a clean bed, a console which we will go over later, and your own source of alcohol. So, you crack open your shiny locker, you throw on your coolest clothing to intimidate the crew and any antagonistic forces (parade jacket and crown works best IMO), and your officers' sword. You will also see a PTSD (personal tiny self-defense, not the mental disorder you may suffer from after a few shifts) gun, which has two modes, disable and kill. Suddenly something catches your eye, your antique laser gun, which due to some policy made by those jerkoffs at Central Command can only be opened at Blue Alert. Forgetting something, oh yeah, YOU FORGOT THE FUCKING DISC! Not to completely simplify our glorious job, but at the bare minimum we just have to hold the nuclear authentication disc. For some unknown reason we use technology that is half a millennium old to hold our nuclear data, don’t question it, they haven’t explained it properly to me either. Don’t throw it in your bag, hide it because our despised enemy, the Syndicate (GOI: 03), wants it like how felines want head pats. You can store the disc in several places (EOTC stop reading here), your cloak, your wallet, your carapace/parade jacket, or if you trust your CMO, implanted in your body. For the love of all that is holy, please do not give the disc to anyone ever. You would be surprised how many new captains I saw hand their disc to the Head of Security or Head of Personal, and in one instance the clown. Central Command will do horrible things to you if you do not have the disc at the end of the shift. Now that I instilled the fear of God into you, let’s move along. You will find your communications console, you can use this to call Central, ask for the nuke codes if you want to go out in a blaze of glory, call the shuttle, or make an announcement to the entire crew. I personally like to set things straight first thing with a rousing announcement that sets standards and raises my prestige. Announce to the crew your intentions for the shift, any threats that might affect them, or vaguely threaten any traitors onboard. Now, drip or drown you have a large selection of clothing including a crown, sword, your carapace, and several parade jackets. Now that you are dressed to impress, have your disc secured, and have made a rousing announcement, check in with your heads of staff. Sound off over the command channel and if you don’t hear a department head pay closer attention to them before an actual head arrives.

= Working with your heads of staff (or how to work with mental patients) =
So, this part seems to separate the good captains from the anti-social weirdos who somehow worked their way up to this rank. Communication is the name of the game; you have to keep track of your heads and manage the managers. If engineering wants to build a singularity engine, you need to work with your Chief Engineer and Head of Personal (Quartermaster if you want to get nitty gritty). Working with a mix of personalities can be challenging if not rage inducing, such as a rules stickler Head of Security or a stuttering Chief Medical Officer. You need to keep the peace and make sure these gaggle of wonderful people don't kill each other, or worse, damage the station. Now if you’re new to the rank, you might not know these people, but to the veteran Captain some of these heads could be familiar to you. A friend or someone you can trust personally is worth their weight in gold. Alternatively, you could exploit this, say your Research Director frequents a different sector known for its “colorful” and “furry” population, you can use this information by appealing to their interest or use the information for blackmail. A well trained and experienced head is very valuable, just let them loose but check in once and a while with sitreps and inspections. A newer head needs to be guided, they might be qualified to run a department, but they might not be qualified to work with people (most people on this station lack people skills, get used to it). You also need to assert your dominance, let the heads know who’s boss. The Head of Security commands officers, the Chief Engineer controls a magic power rock, and the Chief Medical Officer controls life itself in some regards. These might make them arrogant, so occasionally you need to put them in their place to humble them. The balancing act of freedom is something you need to take the utmost care for: give them too much freedom and they become feral and disobedient, too little and you have to micromanage every department which might lead into a full-fledged mutiny. You could win the respect of the crew, or you could command them through rank and orders, experiment to see what works best with you.

= How to lead the crew (those guys who will most likely lynch you given the chance) =
While you need to communicate with your heads, you equally need to work with your assorted underlings. Don’t sit on the bridge like a pussy and walk around (or with the segway if you REALLY want to impress them) and interact with them. A reason why people adore me is unlike half of you limp dick imposters is I actually talk to people and get to know the people who work under me. You can make friends who could one day become a head of staff (hence circling back to the previous section) or at least a competent crew mate you can trust. Now there is only so much you can shake hands and charm the crew, there might be a time where the crew grows mutinous. Maybe you piss off an assistant by telling them to stop breaking into EVA storage, maybe you told the curator their waifu isn’t real, or maybe the Syndicate implanted agitators to convert the crew to kill YOU and your heads. However Central Command has a cure for anarchism, MIND SHIELDS, just jab them for a second and bam, instant loyal crew. As soon as you get wind of a revolution you need to give them the jab ASAP, if their mind resists them, I recommend reading up on Pinochet or come up with your own crime against humanity. Once security arms up, storm cargo and mind shield the technicians and Quartermaster (who is the most important person in this situation as they can turn the tide through order mind shields for you or guns for them) and then move onto medical and so on. Order your heads to go into brig, or if they can’t, have an officer escort them. Remember what I said about talking with the crew? Don’t do that right now, go radio silent and barely talk to them as it might be a trick. Keep them in the dark as announcing that there is a revolution tell the revolutionaries that they know that you know, leading them to go loud which means more upfront damage. If you catch it early and distribute enough mind shields, you’re safe, but if it gets too big, I recommend going FULL war criminal and gunning down groups of dissidents. If worse comes to even more worse, call Central Command for the nuke codes so you and these bastards will die in a big ol’ mushroom. “Duty. Honor. Courage. Semper Fi.”

(Due to recent events, we have eliminated the threat of revolutionaries. However the tactics can be used against the rising threat known as Hiveminds, like a revolutionary had a love child with heretic that can mind control your crew.)

= Central Command and you (Those cunts in corporate) =
This right here is the most terrifying part of the job, not the bloodthirsty revolutionaries, not the blood worshiping cults, and not the blood spilling traitors, but dealing with your boss. They’ll send messages from time to time, which is to be expected, but if an intern/inspector comes you should hope and prepare for an inspection. Above all keep them alive at all costs, every single antagonistic force has wet dreams about an unarmed official showing up so you would like to escort them around personally or have an officer or detective delegated to that duty. Mostly these inspections end badly but their report gets “lost” soon after in the bureaucratic hell that is Central Command. If an Admiral or executive comes, may God/Carp’sie have mercy on your soul because depending on how you handle things, they might be out for you. Do what they say when they say it to the letter. Alternatively, if they promise to have you fired or worse (Central Command stop reading here) you could invite them into maintenance to have a chat with Mr. Fire Ax. However, fret not, I have a list of information for you to use to persuade them or their boss:

* Admiral Svenson has a fetish for cat paws and has 2 terabytes of pictures of that nature saved to hard drive.
* Junior Executive Marko frequents the SR sector despite his claims to the contrary.
* Senior Science Officer Melindi is behind the development of Protogens and “dog borgs” and their spread on several stations.
* Executive Smith and an unidentified assistant had a long affair under everyone’s nose (except me, tip your shuttle driver next time).
* CEO Jonathan Nanotrasen was (and possibly still is) close friends with the CEO of Waffle tech, a subsidiary of the Syndicate.
* Admiral AM84 “lost” a shipment of weapons right before a well-armed Syndicate incursion stormed KS-13.
* Executive McNyason is a feline, google her name on any “saucy” website and you’ll find enough blackmail to compensate for her entire department of Advanced Biological Testing (She is an expert on receiving biological samples if you know what I mean).
* The chief architect of "Glow" design station admitted to me that they hope people fall down the open spaces because it's funny.
* The ENTIRE internal affairs task force "nine eyes" has done frequent shore leave to Virgo Orbital Research Establishment.

If you have any more blackmail, please email me at G-Johnson@ColMarines.nt

= Might makes right (How to convince people you know best) =
Say you’re in an argument with someone, how can you convince them you are right. Remember the four Gs, Gaslight, Girlboss, Gatekeep, Gary. Gaslight the person you are right by getting a yes man to agree with you or twisting the AI into it. Do they really know what they are talking about or has a certain regulation or code changed ever so slightly to make you right? Girlboss (this goes to the men and silicones as well I just like alliteration), YOU'RE in charge and YOUR boss, who is this NERD to disagree with you? You worked hard to get here and make sure to let them know that you know you’re right. Gatekeep them, you did their job before they even stepped foot on the station, a newbie like them should stay in their place while you handle the rest because you’re right. Gary, if all else fails, resort to the most primal neanderthal solution. Bash their skull in or burn their flesh with your gun, can’t be right if you’re dead ey?

= Conclusion (Please tell others to buy my guide) =
So, Gary, you might ask this paper/dataslate/presentation “what else can I do to be a great captain and totally not a comdon like you?” Well, this is the best part of the job, do what you want! As long as you keep your schemes under control and away from Central Command, you can do whatever you fancy. When time is plenty and all is well, shake it up and order something cool like a singularity engine or a rage cage championship. Just know that this is a dangerous job, and you need to be ready to handle everything that is almost impossible to predict. Just remember that you are worth way more than everyone else, save the disc and yourself. Look to famous captains for wisdom such as Picard, Blackbeard, and me. I can feel the drugs wearing off so I’ll end this the same way I end my announcements, stay safe, stay happy. Happy hunting captains!

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2023-03-08T19:35:54Z

Doc-Insaneo:

NuclearDisk

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2023-03-08T19:20:18Z

Doc-Insaneo:

Napoleon Crossing the Alps turned into SS13. Created by the wonderful SpaceSomalian